Saturday, January 19, 2013

A (not so) horrible person.....

So, this is how I feel right now. A bit sad and upset, while being very confused. While out shopping for my husband and my weekday groceries I had an encounter I would never have guessed would happen.

While walking around a local grocery store, picking out dairy products, I was talking to my mother about my choice to be child free. My sisters were curious but worried about hurting my feeling by asking. (They are silly that way :)  )  So as I am talking to my mom I say several times over the phone saying like "Mom, I love kids, they are just not for me." or "I am just to selfish right now, lol, I like buying video games over diapers." Other similar comments were made, none rude that I would guess. However, I apparently said the wrong thing because I was then confronted by this.

This mother of two was furious over my comments. "What kind of horrible person doesn't want kids?" I honestly at first looked around confused. Was she seriously talking to me.  I knew she was when she then continued.  "A video game!! More important!!"  She was red in the face she was so mad.

At this point I was unsure what she expected me to say. I don't know this person who is now belittling me in the middle of the dairy isle. As she continues to tell me all about how she raised her kids and loves them more than anything, I nicely tell my mom I will call her back, hang up the phone and face this woman.

 ....... Well I tried, but she was so honestly upset. All I could do was stand there and let her rag on me. I think I knew there was nothing I could say that would make this better. Though trying to keep the tears back while she called me a horrible, worthless, being was a bit hard.

Finally she took a breath, and I said the only thing I could think of at that moment. "Do you feel better?"  I took it from the "oh my god, what did I just do?!" look on her face that this was not a planned berating. She started stammering on about being sorry, but I didn't want to stand there. I just put my hand up and said. "Have a good day," and walked away.

I left my cart in the store and went to the car. I didn't cry. Just felt......actually. I am still not sure how I felt. I know I am happy with my choices, I don't doubt them. But to have a complete stranger who obviously loves her children go off on me in a very public place was just to much.

Some days, being child free is hard. Still completely worth it. But hard. 


  1. Maybe.. Don't make these kind of phone calls in public? As a frequent train traveler, I have been an unwilling listener to one breakup, two sexy talks and several fights between couples or family members. I still think using your phone in public should be for calls like "I'm late" and "Did you want decaff, or regular?".

    Hugs anyway for having to meet this woman.

  2. Stay strong, that woman had NO RIGHT to do what she did. Being child free is actually one of the most selfless things you can be, Those who have children may do so out of love, a need to procreate etc. but all too often women have children for the wrong reasons - whether they admit this to themselves or not. It allows you more time to contribute towards society, more time to build you personal character and (if you choose) whatever spirituality your into but most importantly it gives you the freedom to do what you want and be what you want without being compelled to look after children. If you don't like kids, you don't like kids - no one has any right to tell you that HAVE TO like kids because of your gender.

  3. I know it is hard to understand but you really shouldn't take it personally. She wasn't angry with you so much as she was projecting a part of herself onto you which she is unable to confront in herself. In order to live with the choices she's made, she has had to suppress significant parts of herself. Those selfish characteristics get projected onto others because she is unable to face them in herself. Exploding at a stranger in a shopping centre? She is probably on the verge of a parenting inspired nervous breakdown.

    Rather than making you a horrible person, I think this episode should serve as an example of the bullet you are dodging by remaining child free. Count it as a blessing that you only need to encounter her mountain of pain and regret ONCE. She has to live with it.

  4. Man that really sucks. I'm sorry that lady railed on you like that. You seem like a good/nice person and I would be hurt to have a stranger go off on me like that in public as well. Why is she humiliating you in public and berating you for your choice when you have not harmed anyone in the process? If she looked ashamed of her actions, it would seem logical to assume that she is the type of person who might be good as well but was so overcome with passion that she was not able to help herself in the moment. Basically she could not understand your position, but felt so strongly in her heart that it was "wrong" that she needed to embarass herself in public and dress you down. I think she will remember her reaction with you and learn to be more disciplined in public. Try to not let this woman get to you. I think she was coming from a good place, but did something highly inappropriate and hurtful to you. *hugs*